Let go

July 29th, 2007

I wish there was so much more time in a day. Days flit by and you’re left with only hours to just think about where you want to be. And where I want to be and what I want to be doing is sprawled out across the wood floor, with blankets, a big canvas, paint, pens, scissors, paper, photos, and with sufjan stevens blaring in the background.. and i want to stay up all night and into the morning, with an energy drink in one hand, a paint brush in the other.

Life is not about settling, it’s about carrying on and taking charge of the moment. It’s about faith. Faith in where you are and where you are going, faith that one day, it will all make sense, faith that there is someone out there that gets you and does not judge you, faith in humanity, faith in God, and faith in yourself.

Sometimes you just have to let it go, you have to let life, even people roll off of your shoulder. Thank you, O.A.R. and Mr. Moon. And the song- revisited. And Charlie for being a wallflower. For being like me. For being like everyone at certain stages of life. For noticing and caring.

No one cares how old you are. Age doesn’t define who you are. Your ability to recite band names and political history and witty lines from movies and the periodic table and adjectives and baseball players and apple commands and current events and first names and capital cities does not define you. Good for you. Here’s a pat on the back. But the extent of your knowledge does not define the depth of your wisdom or the compassion of your heart. What’s more important to you, well I guess that’s for you to decide.

What means most to me is experiences, is feelings, is listening to music because I appreciate the sound and the lyrics and the rhythm and the sincerity of it, is noticing how the light hits the wrinkles and creases of my comforter, is walking down the street of a small town and feeling a little closer to the place because it still retains its spirit and its genuine character, its family owned book store, its shoe repair shop, its simplicity, is riding a bike, slow, feeling the wind rushing past my face and hugging my arms, watching the leaves as they flicker in the sunlight, feeling the sand in my toes and the waves lapping at my knees, and laying under the stars wondering who else has looked at those same stars in another city, another year, and where their life is taking them, is climbing hills, bluffs, mountains, bridges, trees, looking at the world below and wondering, appreciating the friends and the people around me that have honest smiles and talk about the things that make them laugh, make them wonder, make them get through tomorrow and kiss the sky with the fire that drives them, uttering original ideas and incredibly bizarre theories, with thoughts full of introspection and humor.