January 1, 2008
I wish I remembered things. It would make conversing with people much easier.
I want to spend a day researching adjectives. I’d like to have a more colorful vocabulary.
Did you know how easy it is to make things happen? You just go and do them. The idea that something is daunting or unachievable is an illusion. It’s our mind being lazy. Life is actually more like a puzzle. All the pieces are sitting right in front of you. You just have to put them all in place to get things rolling. And it has the same satisfaction when things fit.
It’s honestly more rewarding at times to cuddle up in a warm blanket and read or watch interesting things on TV than to go out.
Sometimes you just need to keep sleeping.
Sometimes it’s worth it to get the real thing.
Simplify. Sometimes it feels good to let go of the things that you never use.
Staying organized takes less effort than being lazy.
Why do something if you know it’s bad for you? If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t.
It’ll save time later if you fill your gas tank all the way now.
It takes more effort to fix something that’s broken than to go back to the beginning.
I hate that grimy feeling. I always feel better after showering and brushing my teeth. Therefore, if you feel shitty, take a shower.
I love when things are in order. I love sunny days. I love rainy days. I love snowy days. I guess I like extremes.
I like simplicity because it gets right to the point. I like organized chaos because it has depth. Chaos in its pure state is only nice from a distance, rather than when you are knee deep in shit.
If you can’t think of something to do, go to kmart.
Sometimes I wish I could hug squirrels.
There’s something cozy about the winter and making our own heat. And there’s something refreshing about the summer, feeling the sun radiating in your hair and dipping into cool water.
I love the smell of books. I love crinkling magazines. But only good magazines like Time. Shitty celebrity magazines make me feel like hurling all over the place.
Criticism is always better when it is concise and horribly, brutally, excessively honest.
Did you ever notice how crisp the word crisp is?
Imagine thinking without the knowledge of language. What are thoughts made of but feelings and associations?
It must be frustrating to be a baby. Your muscles haven’t learned to listen yet, you don’t know what anything around you is, why it’s there, why you’re there, who these people are, why doors open, the difference between your cat and your brother, where wind comes from, why people squeeze you and pinch you and make noises, your only awareness in life is that when you cry, that fat woman comes running and god help all of you wide eyed, weird people, she better freaking have milk.
Brain development is so interesting. It’s the most intricate web of cause and effect. You can link any adult’s thinking patterns to their childhood because of how they were programmed, like a series of If then statements. If A then B. If A=0, then C. That’s how we learn. Positive and negative associations. That’s why a lot of things in this world are fucked up. Errors in the code. If I stick a knife in Sam, then I get more coke. If I snort coke, then I get things done. If I don’t snort coke, I don’t get things done. If I have no coke, then I stick a knife in Sam. If I stick a knife in Sam, then I get more coke. Not that I do coke or knife people, some dude does, and he has a friend named Sam. Not a very good one.
Yes, that’s right we live in the matrix.
Does it scare you that at some point we won’t be able to decipher reality from computers? They aren’t that different. We feel things due to electrical impuses that tell our mind what hot, soft, heavy, light, scratchy, blue, or green are. We can’t see atoms. We can’t see gravity. It’s not that different than the platform that creates images and programs and functions on our computer screen. If our brain sends and receives impulses that tell our hand to move.. what tells the wind to move? And leaves to grow?
The planet is a living and breathing thing, do you think it all stems from one source? The earths core? But the earth depends on the sun for life, otherwise it would be a cold rock. What holds the planets in a rotation? It’s the same thing that holds protons and neutrons around their nucleus. Energy. Positive and negative charges. Ying and yang. Duality.
So what is life? If a tree is like a lung for the planet, and our brain is just an organ, and our heart is just a pump, and thoughts are just feelings and feelings are just associations with memories and if we need memories and experiences to function, to make progress in a positive direction, if insects and funghi and earthquakes exist to keep the earth functioning or as processes of the earth, why are we here? Is life just heat? Are rocks alive? Is life simply chemical, simply elemental? At its simplest?
But what is time? Is time simply an illusion that moves only as quickly as we forget or stop noticing? What is love? What chemical force binds us to the forgiving circle of family, what causes my kitten to cuddle in my arms and stare at me with what are undeniably smiling eyes? Is it the positive reinforcement of nourishment and warmth? Of trust? Is that what keeps the world spinning? Trust? Isn’t that what everything is built on?
We trust that if we work for a dollar, we will be able to trade it for something. We trust that the people who power our house know their trade, that our houses are built on a foundation that won’t break or cave, that the sun will set and rise again, we trust in order and chaos, order that all causes and effects are laws, if I cut down a tree, it will fall, and chaos that no day will ever be the same ever again, that just like particles, tomorrow will be a random occurence, that history is ever-changing, that the possibilities in each moment are so limitless that at no time, motion can ever be a simultaneous copy of another point in time. So infinity is the only answer. And the stop of all motion, space and time would be non-existence, would be the elimination of heat, sound, light. Without heat, there would be no light, there would be no life. Without life, what is there? Without identity, what do we become? Without individuality, what are we?
Every leaf is original. Though at the most infinite, we are all made of the same stuff, every cell is original, or it would not be separate.. And how is it that the tiniest of all material can hold such massive energy, an atomic bomb, caused from splitting the smallest of matter, how can such a minute event cause so much destruction and have such an intense effect?
And isn’t it amazing some of the bizarre things we call truths, that we don’t think about, like if a person were supposedly to move faster than the speed of light, time would speed up. The idea that the time it takes for light to reach us, causes us to see stars in the sky that are millions of years old. So when we look into the sky, we are looking back into history, that sound from fourty years ago, eighty years ago, is still traveling through space right now.
Do you ever think about, when you hear a word for the first time, suddenly it seems like everyone is using it? It could be one of two things, one- that while the word was there all along, you didn’t notice it, because you had no association to it, or two- that there is some internal connection that causes things to progressively and simultaneously project.
It’s interesting to think about shapes. Circles represent infinity, because no matter how close you place them, there is always more space to place them in the openings between them, leading to their limitless nature. Squares are the most neutral, you can fit them together at an exact point, but triangles would be more balanced and interlocking in nature, possibly a shortcut, a priority. So many answers are in nature, if you look at trees, what is the purpose of their shape? Triangular to reach the highest point for energy, but while sustaining the base as the priority in its structure.
There are so many unexplained things in life. And yet the solution to these answers is that we must accept that we don’t know, or we cannot keep going, it goes back to trust. A trust in something more ultimate, that the energy that generates everything in existence will never stop. We must trust that just because we don’t know the answer, doesn’t mean there isn’t one, and that though we don’t know why it is we are here, what our real purpose is, we must find one in ourselves that is good enough to keep going, and keep hurtling through space.
And when our head starts spinning, it’s because we are becoming distracted with the processes of the unknown at work, as if we can feel the motion of the planet, spinning, and the sun is setting, and we just keep going, stumbling through life, learning the causes and effects that keep us moving forward in the illusion of time as all of the elements and chemicals collide around us. And the only thing that keeps us going is faith and love. And so we have to keep it interesting. Like an intricately woven web of adjectives and shapes and colors and push our minds to their maximum, reaching at the depths of our creativity, collectively with the people that bond us to this place. That was deep.